Life Changing Decisions
Susan 2024
Sober and Sassy
One year ago I made a life changing decision to stop drinking alcohol and using marijuana. After two decades of daily consumption, I had had enough. I quit both substances the same week, determining they no longer serve me.
When I made an ass of myself in my 30s and 40s, people found it entertaining, until they didn’t. I thought I was hilarious. I only remember one person warning me of the dangers of alcohol and asking me to stop. Believing she had ulterior motives, I didn’t take her seriously. I still think she had ulterior motives but that doesn’t mean she was wrong. We are no longer friends.
For years, I knew I needed to curtail my drinking. It became more than a habit. It became a coping mechanism, a need. By the end of every day I “needed” a glass of wine or three. On the weekends sometimes I’d start drinking at brunch, continue through the afternoon, and be shitfaced at bedtime. I normalized poisoning myself. I was willfully ignorant about the affects of drinking. It made me act stupid, sometimes like an asshole. I didn’t sleep well. I was forgetting so much of my life. What I didn’t know and didn’t care to learn, was that I was literally shrinking my brain, hardening my arteries, damaging my skin, ruining relationships, and creating neuropathy in my feet and legs.
About twenty years ago (around the time I began drinking daily), I was diagnosed with chronic inflammation. Without discussing nutrition and exercise, a doctor prescribed an anti-inflammatory drug, Meloxicam. It helped, it was an easy “fix.” Yes, I saw the warning label to not mix it with alcohol, but I just didn’t care. It didn’t occur to me or the doctor that it was alcohol causing or at least exacerbating my joint pain. Then I began using marijuana, which can also cause inflammation and anxiety, for anxiety. The vicious cycle of inflaming and mitigating finally caught up to me.
My original joint pain was mostly alleviated by the prescription but in 2023 my legs and feet began aching, tingling, and burning. I sought another doctor’s help and again without discussing my dietary intake, was prescribed Gabapentin. When the leg pain increased I sought help from several other doctors including a vein specialist. I was convinced I had a circulation issue. When my leg scans came out normal, I googled my symptoms. Shit! Alcoholic neuropathy is a thing.
I began a quest to figure out why my body hurt all the time. To my great fortune, I met a wonderful lady named Joy, a nurse practitioner. When we sat down for my first appointment, her first questions were about my goals and my diet and exercise. She had me keep a food journal and then temporarily switched me to a very restricted anti-inflammatory diet to see what was causing my issues. I was able to cut out everything on the list except for wine. I even told her “I don’t want to live without red wine.” I said that! “I don’t want to live without red wine.” She said I didn’t have to but understand that alcohol is a powerful inflammatory substance.
After cutting out all the food, I still had joint and nerve pain. The nerve pain continued to worsen until I totally eliminated booze. Then amazing things started happening. After a couple days, my leg pain eased up and I didn’t get cramps at night. Unfortunately neuropathy is a permanent condition and even with Gabapentin, I still get aching sometimes. After a week, I slept through the night and even woke up remembering my dreams. After a month I no longer had bags and circles under my eyes and my skin tone and texture improved. After six months, I was able to wean off Meloxicam. This year, I hosted two Sober Soirées and wrote two sobriety books. I’m dreaming and setting goals. For the first time in over 20 years, I’m open to spirituality. I don’t know what the Universe has for me but I’m here for it!
Now when I tell people I’m sober they ask: Why? How? Did you have a drinking problem? Do you miss it? One guy said, “You’re no fun. I wouldn’t date you.” HA! as if he would have a fucking chance! Many folks tell me they want to or need to quit or cut back. I hope reading this helps someone see that it is possible, that good things come when you take good care of yourself. I have had the absolute pleasure of setting an example for my daughter to get sober and seeing her blossom. My biggest regret is not being my best for her, showing her how not to act, and for putting us both in harms way when I was intoxicated. I’ve asked her forgiveness and as always, she extended grace and forgave me.
Today is my one year anniversary of becoming sober. I have celebrated by spending time with friends and doing healthy things for myself. I no longer celebrate by drinking poison and embarrassing myself and others. Now I do yoga, meditate, journal, drink lots of tea and coffee, walk, talk to my ancestors and the Universe.
Of the many, many embarrassing drunken episodes I’ve had, I vividly remember only a handful. Today I had the perfectly timed opportunity to apologize and ask forgiveness from a total stranger I met a couple years ago. I told myself if I ever see that man again, I would apologize and today on my one year sobriety anniversary, the Universe, God, my ancestors, Lady Gaga, or something greater than myself, put him in my path. He graciously shook my hand and accepted my sincere apology.
I’m humbled by the kindness and support of good friends which has made all the difference. Even if they were worried that it would be weird or not fun, they still supported my choice. Thank you from the bottom of my heart Bill, Kylie, Durrell, Crystal, Joy, Lisa, Larry, Vonda, Mike, Joanne, Robin, Nadine, Mindy, Shelly, Tamara, Kurt, Missy, Shelley, Bob, Margie, Pam, Jessica, and others I may have neglected to mention here.
Here are some of my favorite resources that have helped with my sobriety journey.
Wildly Sober Journal and Activity Books by Sly
Reframe App
“Quit Like a Woman” Holly Whitaker
“I Am” Howard Falco
“Time In A Bottle” Howard Falco
“Daring Greatly” Brené Brown
“The Gifts of imperfection” Brené Brown
“Unbottled Potential” Amanda
“This Naked Mind” Annie Grace
“Hope For Cynics” Jamil Zaki
If you need Help, Please Ask.
Ask your primary care physician, a family member, a friend, or you can go to a hospital emergency room.
If you’re experiencing violence due to a loved one’s alcohol abuse or you’re struggling with your own alcohol-related aggression, addiction treatment may be beneficial in preventing future violent behaviors or actions from occurring. An inpatient or outpatient rehabilitation program may be recommended to work toward sobriety and recovery.
National suicide hotline 988lifeline.org or call 988
In case of emergency please call 911
Humbly yours,
Sly